There’s a reason you find it hard to switch off…

Do you ever feel like you are moving so quickly that you’re afraid of what would happen if you stopped? Maybe you’ve got huge dreams so you have an overwhelming sense of guilt when you rest. Or perhaps you’ve been brought up in a household that punished you for sitting still and not doing chores. No matter how many things you’re ticking off your list, you don’t even have time to enjoy that sense of achievement before you start striving towards the next item.

That was me a few years ago.

This is a common feeling amongst perfectionists or for those who are extremely hard on themselves. Somewhere deep in our subconscious mind, we have this little voice telling us to keep pushing, keep hustling, keep networking…just don’t stop.

Like most people in today’s society, I wore this trait like a badge of honour. It was only when I started seeing a spiritual healer 5 years ago that I learnt this was more than me being hard working. I was introduced to the concept of feminine and masculine energy and learned that I was very much stuck in my masculine energy. I was confused at the time because on a surface level I looked extremely feminine with my softly spoken voice and flowing dresses. But I quickly discovered that these energies have nothing to do with our gender or how we dress. Not only was it having an impact on my work life balance, it was showing up in my relationships too.


We all have aspects of masculine and feminine energy. The masculine energy likes ‘doing’ and the feminine energy enjoys just ‘being’. See below characteristics of both:

Masculine Energy Feminine Energy
active passive
logical intuitive
hard soft
future-focused present
thinker feeler

Think of the movie Thelma and Louse, the masculine energy would be Louise (the one with a plan who takes no shit) and the feminine energy would be Thelma (who just wants to get swept up in the moment).


Like anything, both energies are best when they are balanced. Being fixed in one energy can cause us to experience excess in the above qualities which can lead to major discomfort in our lives, especially in relationships.

If I’m stuck in masculine…

I may develop an obsession with being in control and witness traits in myself of being competitive and cold in nature. These qualities in excess would make me unsupportive and quite rigid, which would ultimately have an impact on the type of connections I’m forming.

Activities to help bring you into feminine energy:

Simply dropping back a few notches and just being. This could be sipping a cup of tea while daydreaming out the window, or having a deep conversation with a colleague. You could try meditating or walking just for the sake of feeling the presence of nature. Anything that encourages you to be present and enjoy the moment.

If I’m stuck in feminine…

I could develop a sense of over-emotional tendencies and experience behaviours of neediness. I might lack direction because my qualities in excess wouldn’t allow me to follow through with any decision making or action taking.

Examples of activities to help bring you into masculine energy:

A great way to dial up your masculine energy is to sit down and write some goals for yourself. Then break them down into activities that you need to do each week that will get you closer to the goals. Basically, try anything action orientated which will get you in the habit of doing.


Neither of the energies should be prioritised over the other. The feminine energy is needed to create connections and express our emotions, the masculine energy is needed to give us direction and ensure we take action. So I encourage you to ask yourself, are you fixed in one over the other? And if so, what could you incorporate daily that would help you get unstuck?

Once we start learning the dance between the feminine and masculine energy, we can stop acting out of habit and start consciously choosing actions that are aligned and serve our highest good.


Author: Ash Smithies – founder The Soul Project


About the Author


Founder of The Soul Project, Ash Smithies is a certified CONSCIOUSNESS COACH™ based in Melbourne, Australia. Ash is professionally trained to help people rewire their subconscious mind and develop a deeper connection with themselves.

Ash is passionate about guiding others on a holistic level to take control of their limiting beliefs and self-doubt. Ash’s clients experience a deeper sense of self-worth and confidence from their coaching sessions, which impact their relationships with themselves and with others.

For more information visit

Our writers independently select all products featured on The Vegan Company. We only recommend products and services we love – and think you’ll love too. Just letting you know that when you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission.